It makes sense that anyone who has been physically punished would have to make sense of it in some way. You would need to believe that there was some value in it, I mean why else would the person you love and trust the most hit you, make you suffer more…You must have deserved it, Right!?!

It is a step in healing when you take the time to reflect on your upbringing as well as show appreciation for what your family has done for you. That’s good, yet the heartbreaking part for me is that the majority of people have been trained to believe “they are fine” and that we are getting what we “need,” to learn lessons and respect, then stop there as their conclusion. They don’t even know that they have other options to reconcile the conflicting messages. Stuck to rationalize it and pass on the suffering to their kids.

We are not fine. Seriously, look at the divorce and crime rates, suicides, homicides, the addictions and growing list of dis-eases… The majority of our vital needs are neglected and abused, dismissed or propaganda-ed. I will read more headlines tomorrow about how could someone do this horrid act and how it came out of nowhere. And even if you are “fine,” often times there are contextual variables affecting outcomes so naturally, some will find spanking effective, unaware of the buffers or resiliency factors at play.

I could reflect a truth yet the truth hurts and we are not allowed to feel pain or cry or express vulnerability. To feel compassion you must heal yet to heal you need to cry, or at least process through raw thoughts and feelings. But we are afraid to share and listen to feelings. So where does that leave us?… Sadly, on the front page again with rising acting out behaviors.

To me, there are no bad people, only those with less vital needs met and more pain to heal.  We are doing the best we can with the resources we are aware of. Fortunately, we can heal past negative events and discover new resources. I have found that connection, mindfulness, and nonviolent communication are the most effective ways to nurture human beings and discover mutually satisfying solutions.

Consciously choose to be part of the solution, not the problem. Ease stress, nurture needs…

To read more about the side-effects of spanking, click the following links: