Your children are NOT yours to control

“Children are not objects that we could control or shape to fit our ideals…Children are indeed uncontrollable, but that is not the root of the challenges parents face.  It is the tendency to control the uncontrollable that makes parenting problematic for many. The only things that we truly have control over are those that lie within the self – how choose to we see our children, think about their behaviours, and act with or towards them. “

Click this link to read full article by Kenny Toh, Founder of Institute of Advanced Parentology

When You Stop Controlling, You Gain Control

My life experiences have taught me this: We cannot control anyone… Not even one’s children or our unconscious “reactions.” Our brain is a complex series of chemical reactions that absorbs information from all our senses, past experiences, environment, and DNA. Our default “reactions” were programmed into our brain during conception to age 6. What we can CONTROL is where we focus our energy, the environments we choose to create and how we choose to RESPOND once we become aware of our negative reactions. We all have the power to focus on changing our OWN behaviors and thoughts, letting go of judgement, understanding and empathizing with others reactions, and gaining news skills to get our own needs met as well as trusting others to do the same. When we do this, then we can influence great positive change on anything, including how our genetic code gets expressed (i,e. epigentics) as well as overwrite negative programming in our brain and for anyone we interact with. Please make a conscious choice to BE A POSITIVE INFLUENCE.

 

Want nothing, Have everything…

Learn to yield and be soft
If you want to survive.

Learn to bow
And you will stand in your full height.

Learn to empty yourself
and be filled by the Tao

. . . the way a valley empties itself into a river.

Use up all you are
And then you can be made new.

Learn to have nothing
And you will have everything.

Sages always act like this,
and are Children of the Tao.

Never trying to impress, their being shines forth
Never saying ‘this is it’, people see what the truth is –

Never boasting, they leave the space they can be valued in
And never claiming to be who they are, people can see them

And since they never argue, no one argues with them either . . .

So the ancient ones say
‘Bend, and you will rule’.

Is this a lie? You’ll find it is true.

Be true to yourself, and all will go well with you.

The Tao Te Ching Ch 22
by Lao Tzu

http://www.terebess.hu/english/tao/ramsay.html

Favorite Holiday Quotes

“Happy Holidays! Be a conflict resolutionary. Manifest peace. Love without terms and conditions. Come together with healthy boundaries. Play it forward. Slow it down. Untangle your fears. Parent where you are. Learn it. Live it. Count your blessings. Pass it on…”~ Lu Hanessian http://www.parent2parentu.com/PARENT2PARENTU/P2PU_HOMEPAGE_2.html

“Holidays are the dessert in the meal of life~ enjoy them to the last calorie.”

“One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don’t clean it up too quickly.” — Andy Rooney

“Your children need your presence more than your presents.” – Jesse Jackson via Transformative Parenting

Happy Birthday Jesus!
 

Do it, SAVOR it or lose it…

“You’ll seldom experience regret for anything that you’ve done. It is what you haven’t done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear. Do it! Develop an appreciation for the present moment. Seize every second of your life and savor it. Value your present moments. Using them up in any self-defeating ways means you’ve lost them forever.” ~ Wayne Dyer

Men’s Rights?

Sadly, we have emotionally raped men and only left them with blunt objects to fight. Our boys our crying for so much more. Let’s unpack the “man box” and give men back their emotional tools and rights. Let’s cultivate empathy and mutual respect for feminine and masculine traits. We are unable to coexist peacefully without this level of connection and understanding. We are all part of something much greater, we nourish each other, we need eachother….

“…  men had been forced as boys to
adopt physical aggression as a defense. Although this
physicality no longer served them well in adulthood,
many men had no efficacious strategies to take its
place. They continued to have strong bodily arousal
when angry but few available mechanisms to safely
discharge the physical tension. Throwing hammers
and hitting computers provided little relief and left
them feeling foolish afterward. Withdrawal from a
scene of conflict prevented an embarrassing outburst
but provided no outlet for relief of the physical tension.
Men’s tendency to isolate themselves after an
anger incident has another drawback: There is no
opportunity to receive the affirmation, empathy, and
support that women often receive when they tell a
confidante what happened.”

excerpt from Men ‘ s anger: A phenomenological exploration of its meaning in a middle-class sample of American men by Sandra Thomas

Whenever you feel the urge to use blunt force, take a deep breath and hug!!!!

Here are some resources to cultivate emotional tools:

https://goodmenproject.com/category/raising-boys/

http://michaelthompson-phd.com/books/raising-cain/

http://www.williampollack.com/

http://www.fabermazlish.com/Books.htm#HowToTalk

http://teacher.scholastic.com/professional/bruceperry/index.htm

greatest need

“I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything other than real, unconditional love. You can find it in a simple act of kindness toward someone who needs help. There is no mistaking love. You feel it in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame that heals our soul, energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives. It is our connection to God and to each other.” – Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Check out link http://community.charterforcompassion.org/ to commit to acts of kindness