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This audio is a bit long, but describes what I have discovered over the 30 odd years of living and healing in about 25 minutes. It seems worth to me. It sums up how genes and enviornment interact to create our subconscious during our first six years of life and plays out in all our relationships from there on.

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http://www.brucelipton.com/

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“It’s really a wonder that I haven’t dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart. I simply can’t build up my hopes on a foundation consisting of confusion, misery, and death. I see the world gradually being turned into a wilderness, I hear the ever approaching thunder, which will destroy us too, I can feel the sufferings of millions and yet if I look up into the heavens, I think that it will all come right, that this cruelty too will end, and that peace and tranquility will return again.”-Anne Frank

“All the evidence that we have indicates that it is reasonable to assume in practically every human being, and certainly in almost every newborn baby, that there is an active will toward health, an impulse towards growth, or towards the actualization.” – Abraham Maslow

I am a huge Maslow fan. His hierarchy of needs struck me from first sight a decade ago and I have found his theory to be consistently true.  It is very difficult to move onto another level of needs if the one’s below are unmet. Sadly, too many of us our just fighting for survival at the most basic level. Read the link below if interested in a synopsis of Maslow’s thoughts.

http://hubpages.com/hub/-Self-Actualisation–The-Maslow-theory

“If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail. ”
Abraham Maslow

Enlightenment

Listen here for how following my “LIght” connected with self-actualisation: https://soundcloud.com/waitalks-1/light

“In emphatic listening, you listen with your eyes and your heart. You listen for feeling, for meaning. You use your right brain as well as your left. You sense, you intuit, you feel. Empathic listening is powerful because it gives you accurate data to work with”.— Steven Covey The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

I found this lovely newsletter which briefly describes empathetic listening and an amusing job description about mothers.

“There are plenty of people who pray for peace
But if praying were enough it would have come to be
Let your words enslave no one and the heavens will hush themselves
To hear out voices ring out clear
with sounds of freedom
sounds of freedom
Come on you unbelievers, move out of the way
there is a new army coming and we are armed with faith
To live, we must give
To live
And lend out voices only to sounds of freedom
No longer lend out strength to that which we with to be free from
Fill your lives with love and bravery
And we shall lead a life uncommon”

~Jewel

You have the right to be you.

You have the right to put yourself first.

You have the right to be safe.

You have the right to love and be loved.

You have the right to be treated with respect.

You have the right to be human – NOT PERFECT.

You have the right to angry and protest if you are treated unfairly or abusively by anyone.

You have the right to you own privacy.

You have the right to your own opinions, to express them, and to be taken seriously.

You have the right to earn and control you own money.

You have the right to answer questions about anything that affects you.

You have the right to make decisions that affect you.

You have the right to grow and change (and that includes changing your mind).

You have the right to say NO. You have the right to make mistakes.

You have the right to NOT be responsible for other adults’ problems.

You have the right to not be liked by everyone.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CONTROL YOUR OWN LIFE AND TO CHANGE IT IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY WITH IT.

I was about 19 when I first came across a list like this one. I truly did not know these rights. I had to read it daily for awhile to kick start my healing. It takes about 20 times to experience a situation the way you WANT  to experience it before our brains can make a secure connection, to FEEL the benefits and to BELIEVE it is real. I use to have to read at frequent intervals when fears and insecurities try to sabotage what my heart knows and feels.

Here’s a video on the history of Human Rights. I guess I was not alone in not knowing them. Please share them with love and compassion and put these rights to action.

Love is always bestowed as a gift – freely, willingly and without expectation. We don’t love to be loved; we love to love.
Leo Buscaglia

I don’t believe there are bad people, only people with less vital needs met and more pain to heal. Every interaction is an opportunity to nurture, heal and grow…

It is bitter-sweet for me to read all the talk about “bullying.” Great that people are seeing that it is a serious problem, but I know like after Columbine, it will fall off our plate and another tragedy will take its place. I am tired of talking. I am sick of running into walls and double-edged swords. Emotionally, I liken going to school like heading into battle naked with no triage on site, and I went to a private school in a nice suburb.

This is a typical bullying scenario through my lens: If an adult is sensitive enough and not stressed or distracted by other things and catches the barrage of insults, they will call attention to the Bully. The adult will threaten or cast some irrelevant punishment which will insult the Bully and add more pain to an already stressed soul. A soul who clearly does not have  resources to cope and will take it out on another vulnerable soul. If the Victim gets any attention at all, it is to the tune of “Oh, don’t let it bother you” or “toughen up.” Then everyone is expected to get back to their task or what ever they were doing and pretend everything is fine.

The most heartbreaking part for me is that majority of people think we are “fine” and we getting what we “need.” We are not fine. The majority of our vital needs are neglected and abused, dismissed or propaganda-ed. I will read more headlines tomorrow about how could someone do this horrid act and how it came out of no where. I could reflect a truth yet the truth hurts. And we are not allowed to feel pain or cry. To feel compassion you must heal and to heal you must cry, or at least process through our negative thoughts and feelings but we are afraid to share. So where does that leave us?… Sadly, on the front page again.

I plead for people to open your minds, your hearts, and your souls. Bullies aren’t born bullies, they’ve been bullied. Social interactions and emotional intelligence amongst kids (and most adults for that matter) are atrocious. Yet, I am even more disgusted when I hear adults belittle and disrespect children on a constant basis. How can we expect kids not to bully when their instincts are perpetually defied and they are manipulated to meet the needs of whatever adult has power or control over them. And then when we are tired of fighting or nagging, we let media take over.

I am just a guilty as anyone. I can cite a thousand of examples of my own hypocrisy and human errors. Our society is full of traps to lure us back in to fill someone else’s pocket and boosts another’s ego, whilst draining our own soul. It seems we care more about how things look than how they feel.

I have looked in my mirror, and it ain’t pretty. But I am sick of putting my fate and my children’s future in someone else’s hands. I am choosing to act in every moment I am blessed with. I have stopped blaming, started responding to others how I would genuinely like to be comforted when I feel hurt or stressed or upset. My favorite definition of “responsible” is being able to respond appropriately in any given moment to meet vital needs.

We can be victims of something, bullies to someone, or responsible for everything.

Picture from Lori Petro at http://www.teach-through-love.com/

I recommend turning off media/technology for at least one hour before bed and read stories as a family. Take time every day to truly connect with your loved ones. Create your own healing rituals.

Changing habits is hard and scary; LOVE yourself and everyone else through it!

For more resources check out:

FOSTERING EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT CHILDREN, FAMILIES, AND COMMUNITIES by John Gottman https://rs6.eporia.com/company_1012//EMOTIONALLY_INTELLIGENT_CHILDREN_Updated.pdf

http://naturalchild.org/robin_grille/natural_born_bullies.html

Heart Transplant http://vachss.com/av_novels/heart.html

http://moms.today.com/_news/2010/10/12/5278973-bullying-prevention-3-steps-for-parents-from-nonviolence-activists

I was pregnant for 19 out of 26 months and received One Amazing Spirit from the intense labour of love and great suffering. Here is an excerpt from a unique blog I read about Birth Pains and Transition. I think when you are holding the life of another in your womb and carry such responsibility that you need all the resources and support you can get. My definition of God is a bit different from what’s cited in this link, yet I feel it is just as powerful and the ending message is all the same.

“This week I invite you to surrender to the cycles of your life and your reality. Accept the beauty of where you are in your life cycle, whether you are cleansing, purging and renewing or growing, expanding or even ending. Love yourself as you move through change and transition. There is no “perfect” way to navigate through it all. It’s okay to scream and have a temper tantrum if that’s what it takes to get to the other side. Releasing that energy only makes room for clarity and peace. Each step in your journey is really about growth and expansion. Remember to take the contractions of transition, one contraction at a time. May you remember this week to Trust and know you are fully supported on your journey and may you remember that deep underneath all of this experience is really only the grandest expression of pure, unconditional Love.”

~Karen Curry

I am religious yet I do not go to church; well at least not one with a steeple.

The sky is its roof, and the floor I have yet to see.

The altar changes depending on the landscape and need.

The pews are made of mind, of earth and flesh.

The congregation is you and me, and everything that lives between regardless of genus, age, race, sexual orientation, or creed.

There is no separate room for crying babies or nursing mothers.  Children’s questions or exclamations are never shhh’ed.

There is no preacher but an all-seeing mirror of thoughts, of feelings, of touch, and non-action.

I believe in god but it takes many shapes and has no gender, of which I don’t pray to but with.

No fear of hell or reward of heaven; Each day is a present I am free to accept or not.

We are all baptized into One-Song when we crown, born perfect and deserving.

I choose to use what god bestows US and religiously BE.

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