Originally posted on rAmbLingsFrOmPEACEweaver:

I will open the present of today with extra care. With any information I receive from all my senses, I will acknowledge the suffering, accept its validity, and respond with benevolence.

I pray for that I can find the grace I need to handle the bumps and holes tripping me up.  I feel as a star trying to fit into a square hole. My mind races in four dimensions but feel stuck living in a 3-D world. A broken child, a recovering spirit.I feel responsible for every wrong yet know I only have control of my present thoughts.

I know I will find my center and core source, in fact it has never left me. This momentary lapse is a normal part of the journey and an opportunity to grow. I will overcome the negative tapes of intense fear, insecurity and judgement. I am joy and peace.

It is not…

View original 14 more words

It seems on a regular basis, there are sexual abuse and molestation stories that make headlines that finally get people’s attention. Truth be known that every 107 seconds, someone in the US is sexually assaulted (see https://www.rainn.org/statistics).  The statistics are worse worldwide. These statistics do not surprise me, I am actually more alarmed that many others are surprised. Our society is a petri dish for sexual abuse. Sex is basic physiological need. Healthy sexual development begins at day one of life. Our society tends to shame and repress our natural desires of sexual expression. So what do we do when we are not allowed to find healthy ways to express ourselves, we hide it and seek out any opportunity we can get no matter how wrong it may be. Next, we will take advantage of vulnerable people to get our needs met. On top of this, we have a double edge sword in our society where we train children, our most precious and vulnerable, that they must obey authority figures and they have no rights to say “No.”

Sexual expression is a very complex and sensitive issue because even though we have been trained to feel mentally or morally wrong in most situations, it is fundamentally a physiological need so it still feels good physically. It is not enough to have the one Big Talk or random assertion that You should have no one touch you and to tell mom or dad if someone does. It is a constant open dialogue in small teachable moments throughout life. It is in the subtle messages you send via your choice of words, clothes, media, and so on. Although it angers me how ignorant people are to these messages or that children are having sex and that trusted adults are molesting children everywhere, I understand why we ignore the signs. To accept that this is going on in your city, your school, and even worse, your family, would mean that you have to accept responsibility that this went on without your awareness. Of course it is easier to be in denial, it is a natural defense mechanism as who would want to take any responsibility for suffering.

And the common reactions of when these stories of sexual abuse make headlines, “Yay, lets string ’em by their balls and make them suffer” or “They should rot in jail!” make me feel even worse. You see, those reactions are just as violent as the crimes themselves and no one heals. I was given inappropriate attention since I can first remember, I was molested by a neighbor and sexually harassed on a daily basis whist attending a catholic school. These events had led to traumatic consequences and emotional scars that I am still healing. Yet, I forgive every one of the boys and men who used me as an object and no longer wish ill on them. I know that they were doing the best with the resources they had. I do not blame them as we live in a culture that promotes sexual abuse. I choose to be part of the solution. I empower, educate, and support people to find healthy, respectful, and non-violent ways to get their needs met.

Here are a few links to get you started:

http://somesecrets.info/blog/2013/12/29/how-to-educate-your-child-in-body-safety

http://goodmenproject.com/families/the-healthy-sex-talk-teaching-kids-consent-ages-1-21/

http://coreparentingpdx.com/2013/sex-can-your-kids-really-talk-to-you/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joyce-mcfadden/things-little-girls-need-from-their-fathers_b_3348956.html

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/parents/resources-for-parents

Books

Talking with Your Child About Sex: Questions and Answers for Children from Birth to Puberty, by Mary S. Calderone and James W. Ramey

10 Conversations to Have with your Teen about Sex, Dating & Relationships by Dr. Pepper Schwartz

“If the Tao is lost then morality takes its place.

If that fails, we have conscience.

When that fades, we get justice.

When that disappears, we have status quo.”

Lao Tzu,  Tao Te Ching

Originally posted on rAmbLingsFrOmPEACEweaver:

I am feminist trained but purport I am a “Humanist.” Partially to avoid the stigma but mostly to be more apt to my goals: I want to improve all human’s quality of living and respect everyone’s needs and rights regardless of sex, age, creed, race, or sexual orientation. Listening to this following TED talk made me feel proud to be a feminist. Thank you CSU-HDFS-MFT for this gift of awareness.  And thank you for my logic professor in Clemson that gave me the know how to understand that being a Humanist and Feminist can be mutually inclusive.

View original

Originally posted on rAmbLingsFrOmPEACEweaver:

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” ~Dr. Seuss

This quote soothes my insecurities, yet I continue to have an internal conflict… You see for me, EVERYONE matters: every thought, feeling, action has meaning and is valid. I care tremendously about the well-being of others. The slightest glare, ambivalent gesture, negative vibration, or discomfort feels like a punch to the gut as well as triggers fears and defense mechanisms. The mere thought of any soul suffering from my negligence, pains me.

So everyday, I walk a fine line of taking full responsibility for my actions, thoughts, and feelings whilst mindfully observing how they may filter out onto others. I realize now that I do not deserve to suffer as much as I do and by no means am I responsible for all the pain that occurs in my world. Sadly…

View original 309 more words

Originally posted on rAmbLingsFrOmPEACEweaver:

I had moments of dysregulation and anxiety over giving a presentation. My son nonchalantly says, “Mom don’t worry. Everyone loves you. God Loves you.”…

His words helped me  instantly feel blessed, relieved and positively focused.

Yet on the way to the presentation, my brain kept getting triggered to self-doubt, worry, “am I good enough” jargon. I caught my negative self-talk and remembered my son’s words. An internal dialogue began…

I tend to be my worst enemy and critique. I work so hard to give unconditional love, compassion, and kindness to all, yet I am still the hardest on myself and fall into judgmental thinking. Then I was reminded of one of the aspects of organized religion that traumatized me the most…religious people going around calling people sinners and condemning them to hell; one cannot get more judgmental than that. According to the faith I was raised up in, I was going…

View original 238 more words

994795_584763144880211_525426475_n

I have hundreds of writings and insights to share yet whenever I feel inspired to post, I run into a wall, frozen in fear. I am terrified of causing a stir even when I know that evoking emotion is what we need to enlighten and motivate to change. It is as if I am still longing for other’s approval, to tell me I am good enough and my words have value. It’s like I can never shake the F’s in honors English class and will always be a horrible writer. Rationally, I know this is not true yet my soul aches from the former. I even know that it will be hard press to get others to believe in me, if I don’t believe in myself.  I am grateful that I have many aspects of my life where I do exude confidence and trust. I am blessed to have discovered that what ever I do focus my light on, it flourishes.  I look forward to the day when my light no longer scares me.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.”  ~Marianne Williamson

Go ahead and mention my child,
The one that died you know.
Don’t worry about hurting me further.
The depth of my pain doesn’t show.

Don’t worry about making me cry
I’m already crying inside.
Help me to heal by releasing
The tears that I try to hide.

I’m hurt when you just keep silent,
Pretending she didn’t exist.
I’d rather you mention my child,
Knowing that she has been missed.

You ask me how I am doing.
I say “pretty good” or “fine”.
But healing is something ongoing
I feel it will take a lifetime.
~ Author unknown

(1) Spend some time each day quietly reflecting on how we would like to relate to ourselves and others.

(2) Remember that all human beings have the same needs.

(3) Check our intention to see if we are as interested in others getting their needs met as our own.

(4) When asking someone to do something, check first to see if we are making a request or a demand.

(5) Instead of saying what we DON’T want someone to do, say what we DO want the person to do.

(6) Instead of saying what we want someone to BE, say what action we’d like the person to take that we hope will help the person be that way.

(7) Before agreeing or disagreeing with anyone’s opinions, try to tune in to what the person is feeling and needing.

(8) Instead of saying “No,” say what need of ours prevents us from saying “Yes.”

(9) If we are feeling upset, think about what need of ours is not being met, and what we could do to meet it, instead of thinking about what’s wrong with others or ourselves.

(10) Instead of praising someone who did something we like, express our gratitude by telling the person what need of ours that action met.

The Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC) would like there to be a critical mass of people using Nonviolent Communication language so all people will get their needs met and resolve their conflicts peacefully.

2001, revised 2004 Gary Baran & CNVC. The right to freely duplicate this document is hereby granted.

https://www.cnvc.org/Training/10-steps-peace

Dear Asana,

I remember when we first got you. You were a wedding gift to ours selves. We rescued you from a shelter. You buried your head in our couch because of high fever. Thank goodness we took you to the vet so you could live another 11 years.  It’s funny how your golden long hair and personality resembled both our beloved childhood dogs.3096_1134597441697_2960491_n

Asana (July 4, 1999 – August 16, 2010)

When we sang at our wedding, you howled with us. My most amusing memory of you is darting around the backyard like a maniac. When I miscarried our 3rd baby, you knew before me and wouldn’t leave my side. You licked my tears away as I grieved for Anais, our 4th baby, a stillborn. Some said you sounded like Chewbacca. Many people couldn’t understand your peculiar ways. You didn’t like to be touched and wouldn’t take food from strangers. You had high standards. I felt special because you allowed me to take care of you.

This is an excerpt that gave you your name:

Asana means to release a specific pattern of neuromuscular relationships from all tension… To awaken cellular intelligence…As Asana begins to release us from tension something very important is revealed. This is that the body and mind cannot be functionally separated… By stabilizing the body, our mind also begins to stabilize and quieten…Asana can, and inevitably will, bring about emotional release.”

It came from a Dynamic Yoga book. You even chewed this book during your puppy stage so now I can’t read the author’s name. I wanted your name to gently remind to practice yoga and mindfulness. This must have worked because this excerpt rings true to me on so many levels, especially as a parent.

Some have barked, “They are just dogs.” But for me, all my dogs have been the most loyal friends whose fur has absorbed many tears. They listen to me when no one else will. The brushing of their coat and petting, therapeutic. They nudge me to play when all I want to do is crawl into bed. They always want to cuddle no matter how irrational or angry I get.

It broke my heart when we had to move overseas and find you a new home. I felt irresponsible, like I failed and abandoned you. I didn’t think anyone could love you like I did. I am grateful that you were with a friend who had known your whole life; that you comforted an elderly woman while your new family was at work. I know they treated you like the princess you are. I am relieved you died peacefully. May your unique energy find a place to rest where it’s most needed.

To Asana, Kelsey, Miles, Honey, Taffy, Rex, Mousse, Kobie, Toby, Divet, Shake, Murphy, Jasmine, Sheba, Bear, Vinny, Mooch, Amiga, Issabelle and to all pets who have touched our hearts, thank you for your Unconditional Love.

32567_1460153540396_4517349_n

Miles (January 8, 2001 – September 6, 2013)kelse

Kelsey (January 21, 2000 – June 23, 2013)

Namaste,

Debra

Ramblings from a PEACEweaver

Thank you for visiting and listening. If you are interested in receiving notifications of new rAmbLings, subscribe here by entering your email...

Join 9 other followers

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

%d bloggers like this: