Uncommon Sense

rAmbLingsFrOmPEACEmaker

For some reason most of my life I have had difficulty following what seemed simple directions. This usually led to people being very frustrated with me and me feeling stupid. “What’s the matter with you!?” seems imprinted in my brain. It’s like I lacked common sense. I also was considered gullible because I truly believed what people said to me. After decades of depression and anxiety, I realized that maybe I am blessed with an uncommon sense, a deep awareness, and understanding of ways not many see. We are meant to be different as we each have a gift to share. Here’ a poem of mine as I discover my gift:

I feel like I am an infinite-dimensional being living in a 4D world

Like a star trying to squeeze through a peg hole

I feel forced to live one reality whilst my soul yearns for another

I’m straddled across…

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“From Neurons to Neighborhoods”

Our mother’s well-being and safety whilst we are developing in utero along with our early life experiences strongly influence our brain development. Stressful events that occurred to our parents will naturally affect us as children. Sadly, our culture is full of violence and negativity yet also doesn’t support processing negative events or emotions. The presence of at least one safe, nurturing, and responsive adult to be there for us to process emotions and negative events, especially during stressful times, is vital for well-being and positive development.

Nature’s sweetener stings…

rAmbLingsFrOmPEACEmaker

I spent 15 minutes rescuing a honey bee from a glass. Well, actually I felt a bit responsible as its wing was stuck in dried wine at the bottom of a glass. I am the one who drank the wine and left the glass in front of an open window.  I am acutely aware that honeybees are endangered which would be a detriment to our ecosystem.  Ironically, I am highly allergic to bees.

I desperately wanted to save the bee yet was afraid of getting stung. At first, I asked my partner to do it. Gratefully he said “no” and offered a suggestion of gently putting water down the side of the glass. The bee was still stuck after many attempts. I worried the weight of gravity will force him out too quickly and break his body away from its wing. As I saw its leg flailing in distress, I thought what would calm…

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The #45 debate

rAmbLingsFrOmPEACEmaker

When I hear someone support #45, I still initially react with shock, disgust, and am perpetually dumbfounded about how someone in their right mind would vote for him. My stomach tightens and can’t fathom this reality.  Then after noticing all the thoughts, feelings, and sensations and processing them in ways that feel safe and validating, then my calm mind and heart connect. I know that we all are truly doing the best we can with the resources we are aware of. We only know what we know and we do not know what we don’t know. Me reacting harshly or aggressively will only polarize and entrench us more.

All negative behavior comes from a state of stress and unmet needs. We all have the need to feel connected, heard, seen, felt, understood and safe. When we perceive a threat to these needs and our livelihood we react from the unconscious…

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Easter and our opportunities to rise again…

via Easter and our opportunities to rise again…

What is Positive Reframe…

via What is Positive Reframe…

Depress SHIFT

rAmbLingsFrOmPEACEmaker

I too have been so low

Where death appears as a friend

My body, mind, and soul molten

Rationalizing this as a favor to all

Why would I want to add more suffering?

 …wasted space…

…BREATHE…

 …feel that edge…

  …see who gave you life…

Why punish her labor of love?

Through another’s lens

I am a miracle

My body, mind, and soul awaken

Trusting my innate intelligence

A safe place for all.

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A Ghost Transformed

This poem came to me in my sleep last night…

 
A ghost:
I could be everywhere and nowhere
Invisible yet felt by some
Every day a new hell
But I played heaven so well
I knew exactly the boxes to check
To create the illusion of fine, even perfect
No one could see I was dying inside
A few souls connected and I felt alive
That high was fleeting, in erratic supply…

Space and Alpha waves shift the lens
Turns out the switch was always within
The wires askew, connection disrupted
No one to blame
Just science and spirit distorted and maligned
An over-reactive stress response
Too many threats, wounded egos, and toxins to process at once
Too little of safe spaces, trust, and unconditional love succumbs
There are still a series of puzzle locks
An unraveling of paradox
Yet I now hold the key…
My spirit.

It

rAmbLingsFrOmPEACEmaker

It beats,

It breathes,

But it does not live.

It goes through all the motions yet numb to progress.

It holds on indulging in loss, never realizing its own possessions.

And what happens if it cannot trust itself?

It cries.

It yearns.

And eventually, it dies.

Without a definition, it cannot survive.

It is only human to make mistakes, but its Consequences that churn its Happiness into Pain.

Pain overpowered by Guilt and Insecurity.

And if the Insecurity isn’t tormenting enough,

Its Uncertainties will horrify.

But it doesn’t end here because after all this,

It is expected to keep believing;

In others,

In itself.

written in 1996

I had spent over a  decade of my life feeling like the “it” above than not and in my 40th year, remnants still haunt.  I even came from a family with more resources than most. Was I born “damaged”? Well if you consider transgenerational trauma and…

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Our vulnerability in space and life

rAmbLingsFrOmPEACEmaker

I have been learning a lot of about outer space with my kids and it amazes me how our planet is extremely vulnerable. It reminds again of the miracle of life, the dynamic interplay of all the seen and the unknown, and how precious every day is. I had first been awakened to this awareness after experiencing a few miscarriages, the last one being a stillbirth. The loss of life made me conscious of how I must prioritize and nurture my wellbeing and all those who grace my presence. I chose not to conceive again till I was fear-less, accepting that every day with the baby within could still end in death yet chose to appreciate the value of her life to help me slow me down, connect to my own rhythms and nurture myself.

When I faced my own fears of death, I discovered what scared me most…

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