Many people have been asking for a short video that explains the CDC-Kaiser Permanente Adverse Childhood Experiences Study, the groundbreaking epidemiological research that revealed the link between childhood trauma and the adult onset of chronic disease, mental illness, violence and being a victim of violence. KPJR Films, which came out with Paper Tigers last year […]
I wish I can fall in a rabbit hole
Lose time and the 1000 worries behind
I observe the tension float away like bubbles,
Yet become drenched, uncomfortable as they pop
Exposed like a bullseye
My default is to run, hide and cry
I am teetering a tight rope
Where a simple “how are you” feels loaded and insincere
My current musing:
Is suffering necessary, man-made or all the above
I feel tension a mile, even generations away
I speak taboo, triggering with my inflection
When I eventually rise,
I know a brilliant path unfolds
I just seem perpetually stuck on this disguise
Here’s a link to a biographical talk I gave on what “Light” means to me https://soundcloud.com/waitalks-1/light
For some reason most of my life I have had difficulty following what seemed simple directions. This usually led to people being very frustrated with me and me feeling stupid. “What’s the matter with you!?” seems imprinted in my brain. It’s like I lacked common sense. I also was considered gullible because I truly believed what people said to me. After decades of depression and anxiety, I realized that maybe I am blessed with an uncommon sense, a deep awareness and understanding of ways not many see. We are meant to be different as we each have a gift to share. Here’ a poem of mine as I discover my gift:
I feel like I am an infinity dimensional being living in a 4D world
Like a star trying to squeeze through a peg hole
I feel forced to live one reality whilst my soul yearns for another
I’m straddled across an abyss, terrified of being torn apart or falling too deep
I know the inherent value of both sides but the pressure to pick pulls at me
I feel stuck, conflicted and intensely in tuned to the extremes
The suffering and fears
The joys and trust
Who am I and where do I belong?
Maybe I am not meant to choose, yet be a bridge…
You act like a friend, a guise for motivation
I want to stuff you in a bag and suffocate you
Like how I feel when you visit me
I was relieved to read a CNN article that captured the iceberg of emotional pain and experiences that accumulates to such extreme endings. It is not one event that provokes us; it is a lifetime of unmet needs, emotional violence and suppression of authentic self. We cannot even learn new skills because we are too afraid to even admit that we have fault.
Click following link to read article, What if he were your kid? By Joshua Coleman http://www.cnn.com/2011/OPINION/01/14/coleman.parents.arizona/index.html?hpt=T2
Personally, I think we all have fault and we are all responsible.
If you’d like to learn more about the evolution of violence and peace read the article, How Culture Shapes the Developing Brain and the Future of Humanity By James W. Prescott (Ph.D.)http://www.kindredcommunity.com/articles/how-culture-shapes-the-developing-brain-and-the-future-of-humanity/p/934
“The greatest terror a child can have is that he is not loved, and rejection is the hell he fears. I think everyone in the world to a large or…
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I want to achieve so much, I have many ideas and do lots of things yet often feel I am not making the progress I want because I am all over the place. For example, I admin 4 facebook pages, 2 websites, maintain my own private practice in the States, starting one in NZ and volunteer for various organisations. My main goal is to promote sensitivity, compassion, tolerance, empathy, emotional intelligence in all systems (e.g. homes, schools, recreational programs, courts) My ultimate intentions:
*Ignite and connect humanity at our deepest cellular, emotional, and spiritual levels of interaction;
*Cultivate intergenerational healing and relational integrity;
*Maximize human potential;
*Empower authentic self and innate resources; and
*Transcend from fear and apathy to unconditional love and non-violent action.
I have learned that when I focus my energy on something, it shines yet I just can’t decide where to focus it or even if I have too… Maybe I am meant to be all over the place and trust it will all come together when it is meant to.
When I am mindful and present, I feel peaceful and content. Yet it often feels I live in a fear-based, you-will-be-blamed- shamed- and- antagonized -till -you-give -what- you- owe- me kind of world. It is maddening and quite exhausting. If I could draw this sentiment, this is what my comic strip would look like…
Me trying to do a standing yoga pose with a bullseye board behind me; knives, arrows, cell-phones, computers, TVs are being thrown and hitting me every where. There would be a thinking bubble coming up from my grimacing, shocked face of me doing a supreme yoga pose, every projectile has perfectly missed me as well as created an outline of a scenic background, and I have a serene look on my face. And then some random, large finger comes and pops my dream bubble.
…after a bit of introspection, I thought it ironic how one of my dreams is to create…
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Yes, a trauma-informed justice system is greatly needed as jailing people comes at much greater cost than financial as being removed from your primary caregiver is the biggest trauma any person can suffer. These traumatized souls often have less resources and access to healthy outlets to process the trauma and heal, thus resulting in a society of traumatized souls exploding all over the place.
I have learned that the most gratifying and sustaining form of motivation comes from within, intrinsically. Sadly, much of our world is built on a punitive or reward based system. Most of us are doing things only to avoid pain and gain a reward.
There are countless thoughts, feelings, and variables influencing a persons’ action and self-worth. Much of these go ignored, unappreciated, refuted, shamed, criticized, rejected, etc. Our self worth deteriorates into a distorted picture of what others think and by how we are treated. We focus on external things to not only judge our own wellbeing and value but to also make us feel better.
I have an extensive history of being successful: captain, honor roll student, summa cum laude, promoted, Masters of Science, business owner, happily married, brilliant children, yet when ever anything goes slightly off, all I can see is a big fat “F” and feeling…
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