Originally posted on rAmbLingsFrOmPEACEweaver:

I was relieved to read a CNN article that captured the iceberg of emotional pain and experiences that accumulates to such extreme endings. It is not one event that provokes us; it is a lifetime of unmet needs, emotional violence and suppression of authentic self.  We cannot even learn new skills because we are too afraid to even admit that we have fault.

Click following link to read article, What if he were your kid? By Joshua Coleman http://www.cnn.com/2011/OPINION/01/14/coleman.parents.arizona/index.html?hpt=T2

Personally, I think we all have fault and we are all responsible.

If you’d like to learn more about the evolution of violence and peace read the article, How Culture Shapes the Developing Brain and the Future of Humanity By James W. Prescott (Ph.D.)http://www.kindredcommunity.com/articles/how-culture-shapes-the-developing-brain-and-the-future-of-humanity/p/934

“The greatest terror a child can have is that he is not loved, and rejection is the hell he fears. I think everyone in the world to a large or…

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compassiondw:

I want to achieve so much, I have many ideas and do lots of things yet often feel I am not making the progress I want because I am all over the place. For example, I admin 4 facebook pages, 2 websites, maintain my own private practice in the States, starting one in NZ and volunteer for various organisations. My main goal is to promote sensitivity, compassion, tolerance, empathy, emotional intelligence in all systems (e.g. homes, schools, recreational programs, courts) My ultimate intentions:
*Ignite and connect humanity at our deepest cellular, emotional, and spiritual levels of interaction;
*Cultivate intergenerational healing and relational integrity;
*Maximize human potential;
*Empower authentic self and innate resources; and
*Transcend from fear and apathy to unconditional love and non-violent action.

I have learned that when I focus my energy on something, it shines yet I just can’t decide where to focus it or even if I have too… Maybe I am meant to be all over the place and trust it will all come together when it is meant to.

Originally posted on rAmbLingsFrOmPEACEweaver:

When I am mindful and present, I feel peaceful and content. Yet it often feels I live in a fear-based, you-will-be-blamed- shamed- and- antagonized -till -you-give -what- you- owe- me kind of world. It is maddening and quite exhausting. If I could draw this sentiment, this is what my comic strip would look like…

Me trying to do a standing yoga pose with a bullseye board behind me; knives, arrows, cell-phones, computers, TVs are being thrown and hitting me every where. There would be a thinking bubble coming up from my grimacing, shocked face of me doing a supreme yoga pose, every projectile has perfectly missed me as well as created an outline of a scenic background, and I have a serene look on my face. And then some random, large finger comes and pops my dream bubble.

…after a bit of introspection, I thought it ironic how one of my dreams is to create…

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Yes, a trauma-informed justice system is greatly needed as jailing people comes at much greater cost than financial as being removed from your primary caregiver is the biggest trauma any person can suffer. These traumatized souls often have less resources and access to healthy outlets to process the trauma and heal, thus resulting in a society of traumatized souls exploding all over the place.

Calling for reform, President Obama notes the impact of incarceration on families.

Originally posted on rAmbLingsFrOmPEACEweaver:

I have learned that the most gratifying and sustaining form of motivation comes from within, intrinsically. Sadly, much of our world is built on a punitive or reward based system. Most of us are doing things only to avoid pain and gain a reward.

There are countless thoughts, feelings, and variables influencing a persons’ action and self-worth. Much of these go ignored, unappreciated, refuted, shamed, criticized, rejected, etc. Our self worth deteriorates into a distorted picture of what others think and by how we are treated. We focus on external things to not only judge our own wellbeing and value but to also make us feel better.

I have an extensive history of being successful: captain, honor roll student, summa cum laude, promoted, Masters of Science, business owner, happily married, brilliant children, yet when ever anything goes slightly off, all I can see is a big fat “F” and feeling…

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Originally posted on rAmbLingsFrOmPEACEweaver:

I will open the present of today with extra care. With any information I receive from all my senses, I will acknowledge the suffering, accept its validity, and respond with benevolence.

I pray for that I can find the grace I need to handle the bumps and holes tripping me up.  I feel as a star trying to fit into a square hole. My mind races in four dimensions but feel stuck living in a 3-D world. A broken child, a recovering spirit.I feel responsible for every wrong yet know I only have control of my present thoughts.

I know I will find my center and core source, in fact it has never left me. This momentary lapse is a normal part of the journey and an opportunity to grow. I will overcome the negative tapes of intense fear, insecurity and judgement. I am joy and peace.

It is not…

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It seems on a regular basis, there are sexual abuse and molestation stories that make headlines that finally get people’s attention. Truth be known that every 107 seconds, someone in the US is sexually assaulted (see https://www.rainn.org/statistics).  The statistics are worse worldwide. These statistics do not surprise me, I am actually more alarmed that many others are surprised. Our society is a petri dish for sexual abuse. Sex is basic physiological need. Healthy sexual development begins at day one of life. Our society tends to shame and repress our natural desires of sexual expression. So what do we do when we are not allowed to find healthy ways to express ourselves, we hide it and seek out any opportunity we can get no matter how wrong it may be. Next, we will take advantage of vulnerable people to get our needs met. On top of this, we have a double edge sword in our society where we train children, our most precious and vulnerable, that they must obey authority figures and they have no rights to say “No.”

Sexual expression is a very complex and sensitive issue because even though we have been trained to feel mentally or morally wrong in most situations, it is fundamentally a physiological need so it still feels good physically. It is not enough to have the one Big Talk or random assertion that You should have no one touch you and to tell mom or dad if someone does. It is a constant open dialogue in small teachable moments throughout life. It is in the subtle messages you send via your choice of words, clothes, media, and so on. Although it angers me how ignorant people are to these messages or that children are having sex and that trusted adults are molesting children everywhere, I understand why we ignore the signs. To accept that this is going on in your city, your school, and even worse, your family, would mean that you have to accept responsibility that this went on without your awareness. Of course it is easier to be in denial, it is a natural defense mechanism as who would want to take any responsibility for suffering.

And the common reactions of when these stories of sexual abuse make headlines, “Yay, lets string ’em by their balls and make them suffer” or “They should rot in jail!” make me feel even worse. You see, those reactions are just as violent as the crimes themselves and no one heals. I was given inappropriate attention since I can first remember, I was molested by a neighbor and sexually harassed on a daily basis whist attending a catholic school. These events had led to traumatic consequences and emotional scars that I am still healing. Yet, I forgive every one of the boys and men who used me as an object and no longer wish ill on them. I know that they were doing the best with the resources they had. I do not blame them as we live in a culture that promotes sexual abuse. I choose to be part of the solution. I empower, educate, and support people to find healthy, respectful, and non-violent ways to get their needs met.

Here are a few links to get you started:

http://somesecrets.info/blog/2013/12/29/how-to-educate-your-child-in-body-safety

http://goodmenproject.com/families/the-healthy-sex-talk-teaching-kids-consent-ages-1-21/

http://coreparentingpdx.com/2013/sex-can-your-kids-really-talk-to-you/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joyce-mcfadden/things-little-girls-need-from-their-fathers_b_3348956.html

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/parents/resources-for-parents

Books

Talking with Your Child About Sex: Questions and Answers for Children from Birth to Puberty, by Mary S. Calderone and James W. Ramey

10 Conversations to Have with your Teen about Sex, Dating & Relationships by Dr. Pepper Schwartz

“If the Tao is lost then morality takes its place.

If that fails, we have conscience.

When that fades, we get justice.

When that disappears, we have status quo.”

Lao Tzu,  Tao Te Ching

Originally posted on rAmbLingsFrOmPEACEweaver:

I am feminist trained but purport I am a “Humanist.” Partially to avoid the stigma but mostly to be more apt to my goals: I want to improve all human’s quality of living and respect everyone’s needs and rights regardless of sex, age, creed, race, or sexual orientation. Listening to this following TED talk made me feel proud to be a feminist. Thank you CSU-HDFS-MFT for this gift of awareness.  And thank you for my logic professor in Clemson that gave me the know how to understand that being a Humanist and Feminist can be mutually inclusive.

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Originally posted on rAmbLingsFrOmPEACEweaver:

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” ~Dr. Seuss

This quote soothes my insecurities, yet I continue to have an internal conflict… You see for me, EVERYONE matters: every thought, feeling, action has meaning and is valid. I care tremendously about the well-being of others. The slightest glare, ambivalent gesture, negative vibration, or discomfort feels like a punch to the gut as well as triggers fears and defense mechanisms. The mere thought of any soul suffering from my negligence, pains me.

So everyday, I walk a fine line of taking full responsibility for my actions, thoughts, and feelings whilst mindfully observing how they may filter out onto others. I realize now that I do not deserve to suffer as much as I do and by no means am I responsible for all the pain that occurs in my world. Sadly…

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Originally posted on rAmbLingsFrOmPEACEweaver:

I had moments of dysregulation and anxiety over giving a presentation. My son nonchalantly says, “Mom don’t worry. Everyone loves you. God Loves you.”…

His words helped me  instantly feel blessed, relieved and positively focused.

Yet on the way to the presentation, my brain kept getting triggered to self-doubt, worry, “am I good enough” jargon. I caught my negative self-talk and remembered my son’s words. An internal dialogue began…

I tend to be my worst enemy and critique. I work so hard to give unconditional love, compassion, and kindness to all, yet I am still the hardest on myself and fall into judgmental thinking. Then I was reminded of one of the aspects of organized religion that traumatized me the most…religious people going around calling people sinners and condemning them to hell; one cannot get more judgmental than that. According to the faith I was raised up in, I was going…

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Ramblings from a PEACEweaver

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