I believe that we are all born inherently good and connected to our innate intelligence which is love-based. Those who seem “bad” have more pain to heal, toxins and stressors to process, and vital needs to meet. We have good intentions yet we are often thwarted by our internal suffering, unprocessed toxins, our fears, and negative reactions. Every interaction is an opportunity to nurture, heal, and grow. Take wonderful care of yourself as the world needs you.
I feel like I want to crawl out of my body and run far, far away
I want my own home, my own space where anyone is free to be messy, slow, attuned to their own pace, where it is ok to be uncomfortable
Then I feel crazy, too sensitive, “they have the right to want things to be clean so that they feel good, look at all they are doing for you,”… it is a spiral of shame I crash down on, feeling bad, stupid, crazy depleted.
Meanwhile, their snares, jeers, stares, and fears trample through my mind, body, and soul which they can’t even see or touch, never knowing the havoc that ensues.
I am the bottom feeder of human expression…
I hit the bottom, it reminds me of Anais’s last bounce in my uterus, the buoyancy, so free and graceful, she never moved again, yet I can.
I know the truth. I am a good person, born full of light and everything I need.
I process more stress and trauma in one day that many may never experience in a lifetime, the child abuse and neglect, incest, rape, molestation, unwanted pregnancies, suicides, self-harm, war, addiction so bad you pee on family, suspected murders, miscarriages, domestic violence over and over, bullies, victims, separations, grief galore.
And I still believe in humanity, love, hope, faith, and more.
I know there is so much more to this human experience than the rat race.
My spirit shines, uplifts, about-face; I am grace.
I own my own space. It is right here always in reach. No one can take it from me.
I don’t have to go anywhere but be here.
For some reason most of my life I have had difficulty following what seemed simple directions. This usually led to people being very frustrated with me and me feeling stupid. “What’s the matter with you!?” seems imprinted in my brain. It’s like I lacked common sense. I also was considered gullible because I truly believed what people said to me. After decades of depression and anxiety, I realized that maybe I am blessed with an uncommon sense, a deep awareness, and understanding of ways not many see. We are meant to be different as we each have a gift to share. Here’ a poem of mine as I discover my gift:
I feel like I am an infinite-dimensional being living in a 4D world
Like a star trying to squeeze through a peg hole
I feel forced to live one reality whilst my soul yearns for another
I’m straddled across…
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Our mother’s well-being and safety whilst we are developing in utero along with our early life experiences strongly influence our brain development. Stressful events that occurred to our parents will naturally affect us as children. Sadly, our culture is full of violence and negativity yet also doesn’t support processing negative events or emotions. The presence of at least one safe, nurturing, and responsive adult to be there for us to process emotions and negative events, especially during stressful times, is vital for well-being and positive development.
rAmbLingsFrOmPEACEmaker 