5/20/16 rambling

How does one survive the brink of madness?

Seems impossible to describe my throes

I can touch God

but as quick as the rug is pulled form feet and the wool from my eyes

I am worthy of nothing, an “it” to despise

Longing to rid this disguise

Terrified no one will oblige

The double edge sword we all parade

The bed we’ve made

Too comfortable to escape

Trapped by delusions

My gut aches

Conditioned to swallow the pill

my voice, a diminished 7th, shrills

I betray myself convinced I am serving

I wage a war against the pacifist in me

Knowing acceptance is half the battle

I leap…

Mesmerized by faith

Cradled in waves

I surrender,

Embrace.

 

~compassiondw 5/20/16

 

 

 

 

 

 

Five-minute video primer about Adverse Childhood Experiences Study — ACEs Too High

Many people have been asking for a short video that explains the CDC-Kaiser Permanente Adverse Childhood Experiences Study, the groundbreaking epidemiological research that revealed the link between childhood trauma and the adult onset of chronic disease, mental illness, violence and being a victim of violence. KPJR Films, which came out with Paper Tigers last year […]

via Five-minute video primer about Adverse Childhood Experiences Study — ACEs Too High

Music

“One good thing about music, is when it hits you, you feel no pain.” ~Bob Marley

There is no doubt what a healing agent music is. The instant I play my favorite music, my mood is elevated and I am instantly motivated to tackle the worst of chores or problems. I often want to share my favorite songs but then I talk my self out of it as music is such a personal experience. One song can bring joy to one, yet trigger another to despair or anger. As I am on a mission to heal and not harm, I err on the side of caution.

Very early in my relationship with my partner, we would debate on what is good music. He was big on the technicality and diversity of music where as I strongly felt that no one has the right to judge what music is good or bad for another. I believe that what ever music moves you, gets you to sing, dance, smile, or at the very least, get you to forget your suffering for a few moments, then that is good music.  With all the suffering we have in the world, the last thing I want to do is judge another for something that brings them joy. We need more safe places to process and express negative thoughts and feelings and music is the ultimate medium.

Music has kept people alive and given hope through out civilizations and horrendous periods of time like the during the Holocaust and slavery. I have started a YouTube station of all my favorite songs throughout my life  and my son asked why so many of my songs were depressing. I told him because I was suffering from depression and those songs saved me. To know that someone else could express how I was feeling, validated my pain and made me feel I was not alone. As I healed, I discovered the moments I would break out in song and dance are my purest expressions of happiness…

 

 

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/health/2013/12/17/health-benefits-music/4053401/

 

teetering

I wish I can fall in a rabbit hole

Lose time and the 1000 worries behind

 

I observe the tension float away like bubbles,

Yet become drenched, uncomfortable as they pop

 

Exposed like a bullseye

My default is to run, hide and cry

 

I am teetering a tight rope

Where a simple “how are you” feels loaded and insincere

 

My current musing:

Is suffering necessary, man-made or all the above

 

I feel tension a mile, even generations away

I speak taboo, triggering with my inflection

 

When I eventually rise,

I know a brilliant path unfolds

I just seem perpetually stuck on this disguise

XO ~DW

 

What “LIGHT” means to me…

Here’s a link to a biographical talk I gave on what “Light” means to me https://soundcloud.com/waitalks-1/light

Uncommon Sense

For some reason most of my life I have had difficulty following what seemed simple directions. This usually led to people being very frustrated with me and me feeling stupid. “What’s the matter with you!?” seems imprinted in my brain. It’s like I lacked common sense. I also was considered gullible because I truly believed what people said to me. After decades of depression and anxiety, I realized that maybe I am blessed with an uncommon sense, a deep awareness and understanding of ways not many see. We are meant to be different as we each have a gift to share. Here’ a poem of mine as I discover my gift:

I feel like I am an infinity dimensional being living in a 4D world

Like a star trying to squeeze through a peg hole

I feel forced to live one reality whilst my soul yearns for another

I’m straddled across an abyss, terrified of being torn apart or falling too deep

I know the inherent value of both sides but the pressure to pick pulls at me

I feel stuck, conflicted and intensely in tuned to the extremes

The suffering and fears

The joys and trust 

Who am I and where do I belong?

Enlighten me

Maybe I am not meant to choose, yet be a bridge…

Anxiety

Oh Anxiety…
You act like a friend, a guise for motivation
I want to stuff you in a bag and suffocate you
Like how I feel when you visit me

When ‘ignorance is bliss’ blows up

rAmbLingsFrOmPEACEweaver

I was relieved to read a CNN article that captured the iceberg of emotional pain and experiences that accumulates to such extreme endings. It is not one event that provokes us; it is a lifetime of unmet needs, emotional violence and suppression of authentic self.  We cannot even learn new skills because we are too afraid to even admit that we have fault.

Click following link to read article, What if he were your kid? By Joshua Coleman http://www.cnn.com/2011/OPINION/01/14/coleman.parents.arizona/index.html?hpt=T2

Personally, I think we all have fault and we are all responsible.

If you’d like to learn more about the evolution of violence and peace read the article, How Culture Shapes the Developing Brain and the Future of Humanity By James W. Prescott (Ph.D.)http://www.kindredcommunity.com/articles/how-culture-shapes-the-developing-brain-and-the-future-of-humanity/p/934

“The greatest terror a child can have is that he is not loved, and rejection is the hell he fears. I think everyone in the world to a large or…

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balancing bullseye

I want to achieve so much, I have many ideas and do lots of things yet often feel I am not making the progress I want because I am all over the place. For example, I admin 4 facebook pages, 2 websites, maintain my own private practice in the States, starting one in NZ and volunteer for various organisations. My main goal is to promote sensitivity, compassion, tolerance, empathy, emotional intelligence in all systems (e.g. homes, schools, recreational programs, courts) My ultimate intentions:
*Ignite and connect humanity at our deepest cellular, emotional, and spiritual levels of interaction;
*Cultivate intergenerational healing and relational integrity;
*Maximize human potential;
*Empower authentic self and innate resources; and
*Transcend from fear and apathy to unconditional love and non-violent action.

I have learned that when I focus my energy on something, it shines yet I just can’t decide where to focus it or even if I have too… Maybe I am meant to be all over the place and trust it will all come together when it is meant to.

rAmbLingsFrOmPEACEweaver

When I am mindful and present, I feel peaceful and content. Yet it often feels I live in a fear-based, you-will-be-blamed- shamed- and- antagonized -till -you-give -what- you- owe- me kind of world. It is maddening and quite exhausting. If I could draw this sentiment, this is what my comic strip would look like…

Me trying to do a standing yoga pose with a bullseye board behind me; knives, arrows, cell-phones, computers, TVs are being thrown and hitting me every where. There would be a thinking bubble coming up from my grimacing, shocked face of me doing a supreme yoga pose, every projectile has perfectly missed me as well as created an outline of a scenic background, and I have a serene look on my face. And then some random, large finger comes and pops my dream bubble.

…after a bit of introspection, I thought it ironic how one of my dreams is to create…

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Calling for reform, President Obama notes the impact of incarceration on families

Yes, a trauma-informed justice system is greatly needed as jailing people comes at much greater cost than financial as being removed from your primary caregiver is the biggest trauma any person can suffer. These traumatized souls often have less resources and access to healthy outlets to process the trauma and heal, thus resulting in a society of traumatized souls exploding all over the place.

Calling for reform, President Obama notes the impact of incarceration on families.