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“The problem is, and I learned this from the research, that you cannot selectively numb emotion. You cannot say, ‘Here’s the bad stuff. Here’s grief, here’s shame, here’s disappointment. I don’t want to feel these. I’m going to have a couple of beers and a banana-nut muffin. I don’t want to feel these.’ … You can’t numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects or emotions. So when we numb those, we numb joy. We numb gratitude. We numb happiness. And then we are miserable and we are looking for purpose and meaning. And then we feel vulnerable so we have a couple of beers and a banana-nut muffin. And it becomes this dangerous cycle…

To practice gratitude and joy, in those moments of kind of terror, when we’re wondering, ‘Can I love you that much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?’ Just to be able to stop and instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, ‘I’m just so grateful. Because to feel this vulnerable means I’m alive…

And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we’re enough. Because when we work from a place that says, ‘I’m enough,’ then we stop screaming and start listening. We’re kinder and gentler to the people around us and we’re kinder and gentler to ourselves.”

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To learn more about Brene Brown, click here


By Robin Grille and Beth McGregor


“Children are like a river with their own natural flow, pace and direction. If you go against it, the parenting is going to be tough – but if you go with it – it’s an amazing journey.” Parentology

TEDxDubai 2010| Gonan Premfors from Giorgio Ungania on Vimeo.

Sadly, we have emotionally raped men and only left them with blunt objects to fight. Our boys our crying for so much more. Let’s unpack the “man box” and give men back their emotional tools and rights. Let’s cultivate empathy and mutual respect for feminine and masculine traits. We are unable to coexist peacefully without this level of connection and understanding. We are all part of something much greater, we nourish each other, we need eachother….

“…  men had been forced as boys to
adopt physical aggression as a defense. Although this
physicality no longer served them well in adulthood,
many men had no efficacious strategies to take its
place. They continued to have strong bodily arousal
when angry but few available mechanisms to safely
discharge the physical tension. Throwing hammers
and hitting computers provided little relief and left
them feeling foolish afterward. Withdrawal from a
scene of conflict prevented an embarrassing outburst
but provided no outlet for relief of the physical tension.
Men’s tendency to isolate themselves after an
anger incident has another drawback: There is no
opportunity to receive the affirmation, empathy, and
support that women often receive when they tell a
confidante what happened.”

excerpt from Men ‘ s anger: A phenomenological exploration of its meaning in a middle-class sample of American men by Sandra Thomas

Whenever you feel the urge to use blunt force, take a deep breath and hug!!!!

Here are some resources to cultivate emotional tools:

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I am feminist trained but purport I am a “Humanist,” partially to avoid the stigma but mostly I had thought Humanist was more apt toward my goals: I want to improve all human’s quality of living and respect everyone’s needs and rights regardless of sex, age, creed, race, or sexual orientation. Listening to this following TED talk made me feel proud to be a feminist. I am grateful to the Marriage and Family Therapy graduate program at Colorado State University for this gift of awareness as well as informing me of the Feminist continuum which indeed includes all of humanity, especially those who are marginalized and vulnerable.  And thank you for my logic professor at Clemson University that gave me the know how to understand that being a Humanist and Feminist can be mutually inclusive as well as many other things like how I am pro-life and pro-choice (I have my own TED Talk on mind for that one).

This is a bit long but has funny cartoons to illustrate his musings. It describes how paralyzed I often feel. Would like to have a cuppa this man. Free will is a Blessing in Disguise.

I find the line “Little boys don’t liked to be chewed” relevent to our society and raising boys. I consider myself a feminist for boy’s emotional rights which is not mutually exclusive to human feelings. I never dreamt I’d be on this path. I came to a point where I could no longer blame the boys who harassed and molested me or the men who antagonized and chastised me. I was bred to submit, to please, and be objectified; but what of my counterpart? I do not condone adultery or domestic violence. These acts sicken every cell in my body yet I can now see how they occur. What is a man to do when you take away his most advanced and intuitive tool?  Do not cry! Man up! Fight! Don’t be afraid!

I recently heard Sir Ken Robinson joke, “If a man says something in a forest where no women are around, is he still wrong?”

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