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I understand how anyone who has been physically punished would have to make sense of it in some way. You would need to believe that there was some value in it, I mean why else would the person you love and trust the most hit you, make you suffer more…You must have deserved it, Right!?!

It is a step in healing when you take the time to reflect on your upbringing as well as show appreciation for what your family has done for you. That’s good, yet the heartbreaking part for me is that the majority of people have been trained to believe “they are fine” and that we are getting what we “need,” to learn lessons and respect, then stop there as their conclusion. They don’t even know that they have other options to reconcile the conflicting messages. Stuck to rationalize it and pass on the suffering to the next generation.

From my experience, we are not fine. Seriously, look at the divorce and crime rates, suicides, homicides, the addictions and growing list of diseases… If you don’t know how these are related, then you definitely need to do your research. Start here at Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)

The reality is the majority of our vital needs are neglected, abused, dismissed or propaganda-ed which is detrimental to our wellbeing and humanity.  The fact that one thinks it is normal and completely acceptable to hit a child during the most critical and sensitive period of human development is proof in itself that they are not fine. Even if one was “fine,” often times there are contextual variables affecting outcomes so naturally,  they will find some way in which spanking seemed effective, oblivious of the resiliency factors at play or the future negative consequences.  I assure you that no matter what resiliency factors may be present, disconnection at some level has occurred, whether it be emotional, mental, physical, relational or spiritual. Spanking does to a child’s development what physical abuse does to a marriage.

To me, there are no bad people, only those with less vital needs met and more pain to heal.  We are doing the best we can with the resources we are aware of. Fortunately, we can heal past negative events and discover new resources. I have found that connection, mindfulness, and nonviolent communication are the most effective ways to nurture human beings and discover mutually satisfying solutions.

Consciously choose to be part of the solution, not the problem. Ease stress, nurture needs…

“By understanding and increasing just this one capacity of the human brain, an enormous amount of social change can be fostered. Failure to understand and cultivate empathy, however, could lead to a society in which no one would want to live—a cold, violent, chaotic, and terrifying war of all against all. This destructive type of culture has appeared repeatedly in various times and places in human history and still reigns in some parts of the world. And it’s a culture that we could be inadvertently developing throughout America if we do not address current trends in child rearing, education, economic inequality, and our core values.” ― Bruce D. Perry, Born for Love: Why Empathy Is Essential–and Endangered

To read more about the side-effects of spanking, click the following links:





I love reading, borderline addicted to it. I can never seem to read just one book at a time. Usually I am bouncing through 4 to 6 at a time. I gravitate toward self-help, health, and spiritual books. Here are the current books I am reading:

The Zen of Recovery by Mel Ash

The 4-Week Ultimate Body Detox Plan: A Program for Greater Energy, Health, and Vitality by Michelle Schoffro Cook

Ageless Body, Timeless Mind: The Quantum Alternative to Growing Old by Dr Deepak Chopra

Becoming Attached: First Relationships and How They Shape Our Capacity to Love byRobert Karen

All of these books are thoroughly cleansing, nourishing, and enhancing my body, mind and soul.  I don’t need or want anymore knowledge, especially regarding human development. Sadly, I am perpetually seeking to validate and give confidence to all the knowledge I already have; my innate intelligence.

Here are some links to reviews/summaries of books:

Excerpts from the Book—Passage of Change by Nancy Marie…

Our beliefs come from our experiences of what we think we see.

Gaining clarity about them

Can really set us free.

“When does all this happen?

Where does it take place?

How can I find the beliefs

That make my life a rat race?”

The whole process beings

While we are in the womb

Because that’s where Mother Nature

Prepares us to grow and bloom.

“How could I form a belief

Before I was even born?

How could I have an opinion

When I was barely a form?”

“Your mother’s beliefs and perceptions were chemically passed to you

By how she reacted

And what she thought was true.

“Your cells knew she was preparing

You to live your new life.

So it listened to her messages

Whether harmony or strife.”

“That set up a pattern.

A way of approaching each day.

So unless you change the message

Your life may go the same way.”

“If you received the message:

Life is filled with harm,

Your brain would sound

Your protection alarm.”

“Your cells would stop growth

So they could defend instead.

Until a new message

Was heard in your head.”

This excerpt was included in a newsletter from my chiropractor. Right now in my life I am working very hard at rewiring the anxious and fearful connections in my head and body. I am filling my mind and soul with all the loving and compassionate messages I need to hear to keep healing and thriving.

I want to learn to trust myself and others. I am using my conscious awareness to actively transform my life by expanding my limiting perceptions and addressing my self-sabotaging behaviors. I am acutely aware of all the physical, chemical, and emotional toxins consuming my cells and beliefs.

I am grateful that I have made amazing choices in my partner for life, higher education, profession, circle of friends and lifestyle.  I am super blessed that my parents are open and willing to join me on this spiraling, spring-like journey. I understand how their best intentions were cloaked in fear and pain.

I feel my most fundamental needs for love, understanding, encouragement, and support are permeating my cells to heal and grow. I physically have never felt so vital before. Emotionally, I have never felt this peaceful as I am right now.

Link to more excerpts from Passage of Change book:

Link to learn more about my chiropractor’s philosophy:

An excerpt from last Newsletter of  Energy Parenting by Susan McLeod

My parting story is borrowed from Jack Canfield about a mother and a young child. It sums up for me the essence of all things energyparenting:

A research scientist famous for dozens of medical breakthroughs was asked by a reporter why he was able to achieve so much more than the average scientist. He traced it to this early experience: When he was 2 years old, he tried to get the milk out of the refrigerator and ended up spilling all of it on the floor. His mother’s response wasn’t typical. She said, “What a wonderful mess you’ve made! I’ve never seen such a huge puddle of milk. Well, the damage is already done, so would you like to get down and play in the milk before we clean it up?” Indeed, he did. After a few minutes, his mother said, “Whenever you make a mess like this, eventually you’ll have to clean it up. How would you like to do that – with a sponge or a mop or a towel?” After they cleaned it up, the mother said, “What we have here is a failed experiment in how to carry a big bottle of milk with two tiny hands. Let’s go out in the backyard, fill the bottle with water and see if you can discover a way to carry it without dropping it.” The scientist told the reporter he knew at that moment, at that tender age, that he didn’t have to be afraid of making mistakes. He understood that mistakes were just opportunities for learning something new.

Give your children and YOURSELF this same gift of “no mistakes” –  freedom to explore living, loving and being human. And…if you feel the need to cry over spilled milk, do it – before or after you clean up and have another go at it! Feelings are our friends and they only need to be felt. They are the flagpoles of our soul; we need not fear them.

I am humbled I ran across this resource a couple years ago as it shown a unique light on my parenting and spiritual  journey. It helped give me permission to let go of behavioral management of kids, to just be present and enjoy my children. The fact that I felt I even needed permission to do this gives more credence to the unnecessary suffering I endured from my messes.  I don’t have to make up consequences or enforce anything. I can just use what is inherent and experience the manifestation of human development within the most influential relationship there is: parent and child.

Check out Susan’s website as she has many resources and is having a going out of business sale with amazing books.

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