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It makes sense that anyone who has been physically punished would have to make sense of it in some way. You would need to believe that there was some value in it, I mean why else would the person you love and trust the most hit you, make you suffer more…You must have deserved it, Right!?!

It is a step in healing when you take the time to reflect on your upbringing as well as show appreciation for what your family has done for you. That’s good, yet the heartbreaking part for me is that the majority of people have been trained to believe “they are fine” and that we are getting what we “need,” to learn lessons and respect, then stop there as their conclusion. They don’t even know that they have other options to reconcile the conflicting messages. Stuck to rationalize it and pass on the suffering to their kids.

We are not fine. Seriously, look at the divorce and crime rates, suicides, homicides, the addictions and growing list of dis-eases… The majority of our vital needs are neglected and abused, dismissed or propaganda-ed. I will read more headlines tomorrow about how could someone do this horrid act and how it came out of nowhere. And even if you are “fine,” often times there are contextual variables affecting outcomes so naturally, some will find spanking effective, unaware of the buffers or resiliency factors at play.

I could reflect a truth yet the truth hurts and we are not allowed to feel pain or cry or express vulnerability. To feel compassion you must heal yet to heal you need to cry, or at least process through raw thoughts and feelings. But we are afraid to share and listen to feelings. So where does that leave us?… Sadly, on the front page again with rising acting out behaviors.

To me, there are no bad people, only those with less vital needs met and more pain to heal.  We are doing the best we can with the resources we are aware of. Fortunately, we can heal past negative events and discover new resources. I have found that connection, mindfulness, and nonviolent communication are the most effective ways to nurture human beings and discover mutually satisfying solutions.

Consciously choose to be part of the solution, not the problem. Ease stress, nurture needs…

To read more about the side-effects of spanking, click the following links:

https://compassiondw.wordpress.com/2010/06/27/the-guts-of-spanking/

http://www.naturalchild.org/jan_hunt/spanked.html

http://www.spring.org.uk/2016/04/the-effects-of-spanking-confirmed-by-50-years-of-research.php

 

I love reading, borderline addicted to it. I can never seem to read just one book at a time. Usually I am bouncing through 4 to 6 at a time. I gravitate toward self-help, health, and spiritual books. Here are the current books I am reading:

The Zen of Recovery by Mel Ash

The 4-Week Ultimate Body Detox Plan: A Program for Greater Energy, Health, and Vitality by Michelle Schoffro Cook

Ageless Body, Timeless Mind: The Quantum Alternative to Growing Old by Dr Deepak Chopra

Becoming Attached: First Relationships and How They Shape Our Capacity to Love byRobert Karen

All of these books are thoroughly cleansing, nourishing, and enhancing my body, mind and soul.  I don’t need or want anymore knowledge, especially regarding human development. Sadly, I am perpetually seeking to validate and give confidence to all the knowledge I already have; my innate intelligence.

Here are some links to reviews/summaries of books:

http://www.djeffrey.id.au/Attachment_Information_Pages/Articles_files/Becoming%20Attached.pdf

http://hinduism.about.com/od/books/fr/agelessbody.htm

http://www.worldofdiets.com/4-week-detox/

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0874777062

Excerpts from the Book—Passage of Change by Nancy Marie…

Our beliefs come from our experiences of what we think we see.

Gaining clarity about them

Can really set us free.

“When does all this happen?

Where does it take place?

How can I find the beliefs

That make my life a rat race?”

The whole process beings

While we are in the womb

Because that’s where Mother Nature

Prepares us to grow and bloom.

“How could I form a belief

Before I was even born?

How could I have an opinion

When I was barely a form?”

“Your mother’s beliefs and perceptions were chemically passed to you

By how she reacted

And what she thought was true.

“Your cells knew she was preparing

You to live your new life.

So it listened to her messages

Whether harmony or strife.”

“That set up a pattern.

A way of approaching each day.

So unless you change the message

Your life may go the same way.”

“If you received the message:

Life is filled with harm,

Your brain would sound

Your protection alarm.”

“Your cells would stop growth

So they could defend instead.

Until a new message

Was heard in your head.”

This excerpt was included in a newsletter from my chiropractor. Right now in my life I am working very hard at rewiring the anxious and fearful connections in my head and body. I am filling my mind and soul with all the loving and compassionate messages I need to hear to keep healing and thriving.

I want to learn to trust myself and others. I am using my conscious awareness to actively transform my life by expanding my limiting perceptions and addressing my self-sabotaging behaviors. I am acutely aware of all the physical, chemical, and emotional toxins consuming my cells and beliefs.

I am grateful that I have made amazing choices in my partner for life, higher education, profession, circle of friends and lifestyle.  I am super blessed that my parents are open and willing to join me on this spiraling, spring-like journey. I understand how their best intentions were cloaked in fear and pain.

I feel my most fundamental needs for love, understanding, encouragement, and support are permeating my cells to heal and grow. I physically have never felt so vital before. Emotionally, I have never felt this peaceful as I am right now.

Link to more excerpts from Passage of Change book:  http://www.innereyepublishing.com/passage.html

Link to learn more about my chiropractor’s philosophy: http://vitalmoms.com/

An excerpt from last Newsletter of  Energy Parenting by Susan McLeod

My parting story is borrowed from Jack Canfield about a mother and a young child. It sums up for me the essence of all things energyparenting:

A research scientist famous for dozens of medical breakthroughs was asked by a reporter why he was able to achieve so much more than the average scientist. He traced it to this early experience: When he was 2 years old, he tried to get the milk out of the refrigerator and ended up spilling all of it on the floor. His mother’s response wasn’t typical. She said, “What a wonderful mess you’ve made! I’ve never seen such a huge puddle of milk. Well, the damage is already done, so would you like to get down and play in the milk before we clean it up?” Indeed, he did. After a few minutes, his mother said, “Whenever you make a mess like this, eventually you’ll have to clean it up. How would you like to do that – with a sponge or a mop or a towel?” After they cleaned it up, the mother said, “What we have here is a failed experiment in how to carry a big bottle of milk with two tiny hands. Let’s go out in the backyard, fill the bottle with water and see if you can discover a way to carry it without dropping it.” The scientist told the reporter he knew at that moment, at that tender age, that he didn’t have to be afraid of making mistakes. He understood that mistakes were just opportunities for learning something new.

Give your children and YOURSELF this same gift of “no mistakes” –  freedom to explore living, loving and being human. And…if you feel the need to cry over spilled milk, do it – before or after you clean up and have another go at it! Feelings are our friends and they only need to be felt. They are the flagpoles of our soul; we need not fear them.

I am humbled I ran across this resource a couple years ago as it shown a unique light on my parenting and spiritual  journey. It helped give me permission to let go of behavioral management of kids, to just be present and enjoy my children. The fact that I felt I even needed permission to do this gives more credence to the unnecessary suffering I endured from my messes.  I don’t have to make up consequences or enforce anything. I can just use what is inherent and experience the manifestation of human development within the most influential relationship there is: parent and child.

Check out Susan’s website as she has many resources and is having a going out of business sale with amazing books.  http://www.energyparenting.com/public/main.cfm

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