the Love we Need and Deserve

 “The essential message of unconditional love is one of liberation: You can be whoever you are, express all your thoughts and feelings with absolute confidence. You do not have to be fearful that love will be taken away. You will not be punished for your openness and honesty…There may be days when disagreements and disturbing emotions may become between us. There may be times when psychological or physical miles may lie between us. But I have given my word of my commitment…So feel free to be yourself, to tell me of your negative and positive reactions. I cannot always predict my reactions or guarantee my strength, but one thing I do know: I will not reject you! I am committed to your growth and happiness… There is nothing else that can expand the human soul, actualize the human potential for growth, or bring a person into the full possession of life than a love which is unconditional. We have labored for so long under the delusion that corrections, criticism, and punishments stimulate a person to grow. We have rationalized the taking out our own unhappiness and incompleteness in many destructive ways…Unconditional love is the only soil in which the seed of a human person can grow…Of course, free will is a factor in every human life. Everyone must say his or her ‘yes’ to growth and integrity. But there are prerequisites. And one of these is someone must empower me to believe in myself and to be myself. ”

 Excerpt from Unconditional Love  by John Powell

This description of love is the epiphany of what I aspire to cultivate. I am blessed to reap the benefits of this intense intercourse. My marriage has liberated (and challenged) me in ways I have never dreamed. The problem in lies that although we all deserve this unconditional love, we become to feel resentful when we don’t get it. This resentment then distorts our efforts to give our love unconditionally as well as thwarting those who wish to give it back. It very quickly becomes a volcano of unmet needs and hurt. I see resentment push our children over the edge and make amuck of marriages. We wonder how a couple can be so in love on their wedding day then filing for restraining orders or divorce years later. When I listen to people talk to their children and/or partner, I am not surprised by our state of affairs.  So when your child says they hate you, or your partner says they no longer love you (although they usually “act out” way before ever saying this, and kids are more honest and direct), do you retaliate with the things they did wrong or empathize with their fear and hurt?