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I have learned that the most gratifying and sustaining form of motivation comes from within, intrinsically. Sadly, much of our world is built on a punitive or reward based system. Most of us are doing things only to avoid pain and gain a reward.

There are countless thoughts, feelings, and variables influencing a persons’ action and self-worth. Much of these go ignored, unappreciated, refuted, shamed, criticized, rejected, etc. Our self-worth deteriorates into a distorted picture of what others think and by how we are treated. We focus on external things to not only judge our own wellbeing and value but to also make us feel better.

I have an extensive history of being successful: captain, honor roll student, summa cum laude, job promotions, Master’s degree, business owner, happily married, brilliant children, yet whenever anything goes slightly off, all I can see is a big fat “F” and feeling terrified of what other’s reactions may be. Most often people’s attempts to comfort feel dismissive or insulting. When I am in this depressive, stressed state and one exuberantly points out everything I have to be grateful for or even what I did right, it sadly only highlights my inadequacy. I even fail at being grateful and seeing my strengths. This may seem extreme yet this has been one my realities I have to face.

Now I am well aware of where this all comes from as I have dedicated my life to finding peace. Fortunately, I have many more moments of peace and joy yet I am human and still get triggered.  I have a history of abuse, shame, and guilt to heal. Accepting pain and negativity was the only way to survive and still be next to the people I loved and needed the most. I know from the bottom of my heart that the cast of people in my childhood were truly doing the best they could with the resources given to them. You only know what you know and can’t give what you have never received.

I vow every day to give everyone the unconditional love and support they need to be honest, free and process their pain. Our universe, body, mind, and soul have a highly intelligent and sensitive communication system that regulates beautifully when innate resources are given time and space to do so.  It is amazing what the one’s will manifests when trusted and nurtured from beginning to end.  Love and connection is the ultimate inherent reward.

Here is a link for deeper exploration into the dynamic of avoiding pain/seeking pleasure and the parent/child relationship:

When a Parent’s ‘I Love You’ Means ‘Do as I Say’


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