“Children are mirrors; they will always show you exactly what is going on inside of you. Each phase of their growth is an opportunity to heal your own pain, to go deeper inside yourself and become more truly human.” ~Vimala McClure

I cannot count all the times this has reflected in my life through my children. I even see the pattern with my dogs, who were my first kids. I am so grateful that I reached out for help, committed myself to healing, can feel my children’s cries and take responsibility for the energy I emit.

One glaring reflection is feeling intense insecurity and fear in social situations. My son has been blessed with a gregarious heart and a wonderful group of friends. Every time he asks to have them over, I look at my house and feel dread and panic. I am inundated with a daunting list of all the things I should do but don’t want to. I am terrified to think what people will think of me and being judged.   He ends up, rightfully, pleading with me. I start spurting out a frantic list of things to do for me to feel comfortable to call a friend. This ends up stressing him out to where he gives up and feels guilty for even asking.

The whole interchange triggers my feelings of inadequacy and craziness like I am failing as a person and parent. To further the insult, I am aware that I role-modeling to my son that we should feel ashamed and to give up. My fears are pushing away the level of connectedness I preach and desperately need.

An amusing side to this scenario was that I was so overwhelmed with the negativity that consumed me about inviting people to our house that I started to use my dog as an excuse. My dog was so in tuned with me that he sensed my fear and would behave more aggressively to protect me. His attentive behaviors than triggered more fears in me which only escalated his protectiveness because he could sense my heightened fear. Negativity begets negativity and it cycles on till it escalates enough that someone gets physically hurt (emotional pain is usually prominent and ongoing).

My dog was fulfilling my self-prophecy that I cannot handle it, that I should feel afraid, and need protection. F.E.A.R. is False Evidence Appearing Real. I knew I needed to face this when my son started introducing strangers to me and arranging play dates himself. I am at a pivotal point where healing my social fears and judgmental thoughts as well as choosing to give my son a new story of how to overcome fears. Thank goodness I have a thousand tools to do this and not afraid to see my reflection. I am grateful for the light my children shine on me. They inspire me to be a better person every day.

You get a glimpse of Vimala’s book, Tao of Motherhood http://books.google.co.nz/books?

id=pPOYiyg3CT8C&lpg=PR9&pg=PA41#v=twopage&q&f=false

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