I don’t believe there are bad people, only people with less vital needs met and more pain to heal. Every interaction is an opportunity to nurture, heal and grow…

It is bitter-sweet for me to read all the talk about “bullying.” Great that people are seeing that it is a serious problem, but I know like after Columbine, it will fall off our plate and another tragedy will take its place. I am tired of talking. I am sick of running into walls and double-edged swords. Emotionally, I liken going to school like heading into battle naked with no triage on site, and I went to a private school in a nice suburb.

This is a typical bullying scenario through my lens: If an adult is sensitive enough and not stressed or distracted by other things and catches the barrage of insults, they will call attention to the Bully. The adult will threaten or cast some irrelevant punishment which will insult the Bully and add more pain to an already stressed soul. A soul who clearly does not have  resources to cope and will take it out on another vulnerable soul. If the Victim gets any attention at all, it is to the tune of “Oh, don’t let it bother you” or “toughen up.” Then everyone is expected to get back to their task or what ever they were doing and pretend everything is fine.

The most heartbreaking part for me is that majority of people think we are “fine” and we getting what we “need.” We are not fine. The majority of our vital needs are neglected and abused, dismissed or propaganda-ed. I will read more headlines tomorrow about how could someone do this horrid act and how it came out of no where. I could reflect a truth yet the truth hurts. And we are not allowed to feel pain or cry. To feel compassion you must heal and to heal you must cry, or at least process through our negative thoughts and feelings but we are afraid to share. So where does that leave us?… Sadly, on the front page again.

I plead for people to open your minds, your hearts, and your souls. Bullies aren’t born bullies, they’ve been bullied. Social interactions and emotional intelligence amongst kids (and most adults for that matter) are atrocious. Yet, I am even more disgusted when I hear adults belittle and disrespect children on a constant basis. How can we expect kids not to bully when their instincts are perpetually defied and they are manipulated to meet the needs of whatever adult has power or control over them. And then when we are tired of fighting or nagging, we let media take over.

I am just a guilty as anyone. I can cite a thousand of examples of my own hypocrisy and human errors. Our society is full with traps to lure us back in to fill someone else’s pocket and boosts another’s ego, whilst draining our own soul. It seems we care more about how things look , than how they feel.

I have looked in my mirror, and it ain’t pretty. But I am sick of putting my fate and my children’s future in someone else’s hands. I am choosing to act in every moment I am blessed with. I have stopped blaming, started responding to others how I would genuinely like to be comforted when I feel hurt or stressed or upset. My favorite definition of “responsible” is being able to respond appropriately in any given moment to meet vital needs.

We can be victims of something, bullies to someone, or responsible for everything.

Picture from Lori Petro at http://www.teach-through-love.com/

I recommend turning off media/technology for at least one hour before bed and read stories as a family . Take time everyday to truly connect with your loved ones. Create your own healing rituals.

Changing habits is hard and scary; LOVE yourself and everyone else through it!

For more resources check out:

FOSTERING EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT CHILDREN, FAMILIES, AND COMMUNITIES by John Gottman https://rs6.eporia.com/company_1012//EMOTIONALLY_INTELLIGENT_CHILDREN_Updated.pdf

http://naturalchild.org/robin_grille/natural_born_bullies.html

Heart Transplant http://vachss.com/av_novels/heart.html

http://moms.today.com/_news/2010/10/12/5278973-bullying-prevention-3-steps-for-parents-from-nonviolence-activists

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