“Spanking does for a child’s development what wife-beating does for a marriage.”

This quote sums up well what research and experience has proven to me. The sad part is that still many would disagree with this statement for many reasons. Much of civilization operates from the assumption that there needs to be a hierarchy, meaning someone at the top to “lead,” to have power over.

My son will sometimes report that I am the boss of him and he has to do what I say. I reflect back that yes, it does often feel that I am telling him what to do. I tell him that I don’t want to boss him around and that I want him to be his own boss. Although, I do feel it is my job to protect him and teach him healthy behaviors so when he does things that jeopardizes safety or health, I tend to interject. But upon great reflection and listening to my son, I started stopping my re-directions, lectures, scowling, and controlling/negative reactions etc. I began to reflect and label what I was seeing, identify feelings and needs, and trusting him to figure it out. It might take longer, things break, messes are made, and he might get hurt a bit but he learns what he was meant to learn every time I “let go.”  I am amazed and feel great relief every time I do it. Of course, when the threat is of imminent death, I will still jump in but really how often does this happen. I choose to live my life in trust, not fear.

Once when he was playing a video game on our computer, I realized that I could not listen to my music on the computer while he was doing this. I felt irritated and entitled to be able to listen to my music on my computer. I barked at him that he only had a limited time to play on the computer. I felt the negativity tighten my body and heard the shrill in my voice. I stopped myself and decided to share with my son my feelings in a calm, neutral tone. I let it go and started another conversation with my partner. Within moments, my son turned the sound off his game then opened up our music files and asked what music I would like to hear. All of this happened in a less than five minutes and he was just six years old.

I could cite 1000 interchanges like this where my children teach me about the power of love and trust, but honestly, this is something one must experiment and feel for themselves. Personally, my children get me to step out of my comfort zone and enjoy life to the fullest in every moment that I allow. I welcome my son’s so-called “back talk.” He makes valid points and gets me to change fear-based habits. I believe we were all created equal, this includes children. I even think children have greater insight and personal power because their body/mind/souls have absorbed less negativity or interference and are more connected. I work every day to let go, fear less, love more and to trust the process. I choose to “lead” by example and have power with.

Now imagine, how happy and well adjusted you would be if you lived with your boss 24/7?

I am so glad I trusted all the amazing souls from the following organizations who gave me tools to use my power for better and with love:

http://www.postinstitute.com/

http://alvaradoconsultinggroup.com/

http://www.beyondconsequences.com/

http://www.childtrauma.org/

https://www.cnvc.org/

Take wonderful care of yourself and your family.

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