It beats,

It breathes,

But it does not live.

It goes through all the motions yet numb to progress.

It holds on indulging in loss, never realizing its own possessions.

And what happens if it cannot trust itself?

It cries.

It yearns.

And eventually, it dies.

Without a definition, it cannot survive.

It is only human to make mistakes, but its Consequences that churn its Happiness into Pain.

Pain overpowered by Guilt and Insecurity.

And if the Insecurity isn’t tormenting enough,

Its Uncertainties will horrify.

But it doesn’t end here because after all this,

It is expected to keep believing;

In others,

In itself.

written in 1996

I had spent over a  decade of my life feeling like the “it” above than not and in my 40th year, remnants still haunt.  I even came from a family with more resources than most. Was I born “damaged”? Well if you consider transgenerational trauma and epigenetics then in a sense, I was. Fortunately, I am aware of the chemical reactions in my brain and have all the resources I need to keep healing.

I believe in myself more and more every day.

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