a PERFECT death

On September 19^th, 2007, I gave birth to a beautiful girl named Anais. She had ten fingers, ten toes, and a delicate face. The doctor emphatically said “she’s perfect,” yet she was dead…

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I used to have a visceral reaction when I heard the word ‘perfect.’ I would feel angry and focused on what I had lost trying to live to those expectations for most my life. When I heard the doctor describe Anais as ‘perfect,’ I initially felt offended and thought she’d be perfect if she was alive. My reaction was normal under the circumstances (after 20+ hours of labor and three failed pregnancies) but now I can see that she is perfect…In order to achieve this positive perspective, I had to give myself permission and space to: 1) express and process through all my negative feelings, 2) be validated for my loss and 3) redefine perfection and all its components.

Merriam-Webster defines perfect as a: being entirely without fault or defect, b: satisfying all requirements, c: corresponding to an ideal standard or abstract concept.

How could one be human and perfect at the same time?

What we perceive as faults, requirements, or the ideal depends greatly on context.  Some faults are strengths in different situations. When you do not meet all the requirements for one position, you may very well open the door to a better one. There are many different paths to reach the same endpoint.

Perfection has evolved to mean for me when my behaviors, thoughts, and feelings are harmonious and encourages me on the path that most honors my authentic self as well as evokes deep connections with others.  Anais and all children guide me on this perfect path. Embracing loss, chaos, and negativity is perfection and a huge leap to peace.

Namaste´

“I honor the place within you where the entire Universe resides; I honor the place within you of love, of light, of truth, of peace; I honor the place within you, where, when you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me, there is only one of us.” ~Ghandi