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“The problem is, and I learned this from the research, that you cannot selectively numb emotion. You cannot say, ‘Here’s the bad stuff. Here’s grief, here’s shame, here’s disappointment. I don’t want to feel these. I’m going to have a couple of beers and a banana-nut muffin. I don’t want to feel these.’ … You can’t numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects or emotions. So when we numb those, we numb joy. We numb gratitude. We numb happiness. And then we are miserable and we are looking for purpose and meaning. And then we feel vulnerable so we have a couple of beers and a banana-nut muffin. And it becomes this dangerous cycle…
To practice gratitude and joy, in those moments of kind of terror, when we’re wondering, ‘Can I love you that much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?’ Just to be able to stop and instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, ‘I’m just so grateful. Because to feel this vulnerable means I’m alive…
And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we’re enough. Because when we work from a place that says, ‘I’m enough,’ then we stop screaming and start listening. We’re kinder and gentler to the people around us and we’re kinder and gentler to ourselves.”
Click link for more highlights of video http://alexlinsker.com/brene-brown-on-vulnerability-and-wholeheartedness/
To learn more about Brene Brown, click here http://www.brenebrown.com/welcome
‘GOOD’ CHILDREN – AT WHAT PRICE? THE SECRET COST OF SHAME
By Robin Grille and Beth McGregor http://www.our-emotional-health.com/articles/shame.pdf
“Children are like a river with their own natural flow, pace and direction. If you go against it, the parenting is going to be tough – but if you go with it – it’s an amazing journey.” Parentology
TEDxDubai 2010| Gonan Premfors from Giorgio Ungania on Vimeo.
“Children are not objects that we could control or shape to fit our ideals…Children are indeed uncontrollable, but that is not the root of the challenges parents face. It is the tendency to control the uncontrollable that makes parenting problematic for many. The only things that we truly have control over are those that lie within the self – how choose to we see our children, think about their behaviours, and act with or towards them. ”
Click this link to read full article by Kenny Toh, Founder of Institute of Advanced Parentology
When You Stop Controlling, You Gain Control
My life experiences have taught me this: You cannot control anyone. Not even one’s children, nor many of your “reactions” because our brain is a complex series of chemical reactions that absorbs information from all our senses, past experiences and genetic code. Your default “reactions” were developed during conception to age 5. What you can CONTROL is where you put your energy and how you choose to RESPOND. We all have the power to let go of judgement, bring awareness to our thoughts, feelings, and consequences of our behaviors, and gain news skills and resources to get our own needs met.
Sadly, we have emotionally raped men and only left them with blunt objects to fight. Our boys our crying for so much more. Let’s unpack the “man box” and give men back their emotional tools and rights. Let’s cultivate empathy and mutual respect for feminine and masculine traits. We are unable to coexist peacefully with out this level of connection and understanding. We are all part of something much greater, we nourish each other, we need eachother….
When ever you feel the urge to use blunt force, take a deep breath and hug!!!!
Here are some resources to cultivate emotional tools:
http://www.pbs.org/opb/raisingcain/
http://www.williampollack.com/
http://www.fabermazlish.com/Books.htm#HowToTalk
http://teacher.scholastic.com/professional/bruceperry/index.htm
“Unless individuals are peaceful within themselves, they cannot work for peace among nations.” – Thich Nhat Hanh
click link below to watch and listen to a PEACE meditation: http://www.beliefnet.com/features/peace/test2/container01.html
It is nice to take deep breaths and sit in a comfortable position while listening.
http://www.beliefnet.com/Holistic-Living/2007/01/Peace-Meditation.aspx
You have the right to be you.
You have the right to put yourself first.
You have the right to be safe.
You have the right to love and be loved.
You have the right to be treated with respect.
You have the right to be human – NOT PERFECT.
You have the right to angry and protest if you are treated unfairly or abusively by anyone.
You have the right to you own privacy.
You have the right to your own opinions, to express them, and to be taken seriously.
You have the right to earn and control you own money.
You have the right to answer questions about anything that affects you.
You have the right to make decisions that affect you.
You have the right to grow and change (and that includes changing your mind).
You have the right to say NO. You have the right to make mistakes.
You have the right to NOT be responsible for other adults’ problems.
You have the right to not be liked by everyone.
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CONTROL YOUR OWN LIFE AND TO CHANGE IT IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY WITH IT.
I was about 19 when I first came across a list like this one. I truly did not know these rights. I had to read it daily for a awhile to kick start my healing. It takes about 20 times to experience a situation the way you WANT to experience it before our brains can make a secure connection, to FEEL the benefits and to BELIEVE it is real. I still have to read it when fears and insecurities try to sabotage what my heart knows and feels.
Here’s a video on the history of Human Rights. I guess I was not alone in not knowing them. Please gently share them with love and compassion and put these rights to action.
“Humans are emotional beings that make emotional decisions and then justify our decisions with logic.” -Deepak Chopra
http://www.boblancer.com/main/page_home.html
Thanks to Positive Parenting: Toddlers and Beyond for the new resource http://www.facebook.com/pages/Positive-Parenting-Toddlers-and-Beyond/139782679378764
