I have inherited some devastating messages:
When anything goes wrong, I believe It’s all my fault.
When I break something or make a mess, I believe I am a complete failure and utterly stupid.
Sadly, I have passed this same negative tape to my son. It has grown more apparent the more I expand my awareness for it.
As we were getting ready to leave one day, he boistrously bounced into the wall and a picture frame crashed to the floor. As I am aware that things breaking is one of my triggers, my body viscerally reacted negatively. Almost simultaneously, my son hung his head down saying ”I’m so stupid.” As soon as possible, I told myself out loud to let it go and move onto to next step. Unexpectedly, he went back to the frame to try to fix it and I reacted negatively again as I was afraid he’d get hurt from glass and we were under a time crunch.
His head hung in shame again, he stammered toward the door, muttering “Its all my fault.”
The next feelings and thoughts poured through me in a matter of milliseconds….At first I was filled with anger and dissapointment of how could he feel so bad of himself; how I don’t have the time to deal with this now; how many times do we have to go through this…then feelings of guilt and shame came of how could I have let this self-hatred seep into my son’s self consciousness and how come I cannot heal us both and get over it…
I cought the negtive tape going wild in my mind and chose to give myself and my son the same love and compassion I wish to give everyone.
As my son turned the door handle to escape outside, I told myself I must not let him start his special day this way. I ran to him as boistrouly as he bounced into the wall just moments before, pulled his head up and bellowed “Raise your head.” As this was happening so quickly, I could still feel the tension in my hands. His look instantly told me to get my body, tone, and words to match the message of love I wanted to give. I hugged him and began singing,
I love you no matter what glass breaks.
I kissed him in tune to my melody on his neck and I looked at his eyes as they began to well up. I continued to sing:
I love you no matter what breaks.
again I repeatedly kissed him on his neck and as I saw tears beginning to fall, I sang:
You could knock the house down and all I would care is that you were safe and sound.
followed with more kisses, he tearfully said,
“That is the kindest thing I have ever heard.”
I responded that every word of it was true and we hugged. His younger sister who was watching the whole thing then joyfully pleaded, “I want kisses on the neck too.” We went on to have a great day and I believe some of those negative messages have healed. I now sing the same song to myself when I make a mess or break something;-)